Holidays 2020 Style: Lost and Found

Ready to kiss this year goodbye?

You aren’t the only one feeling like the holidays this year kind of suck.  It’s actually good to recognize some of the routines and traditions that will be lost this year. What a year it has been. Toss a very contentious and divisive election in the mix and I wonder if anyone else feels like hibernating for the next few weeks.

The holiday are frequently fraught with emotions in a good year, some full of love and joy and others stress and family triggers. This year with the pandemic curtailing travel and large gatherings most of us have a real sense of grief and ambiguous loss.

It’s ok to feel that way. It’s human.  I know people on both ends of the spectrum who have been unable to be with their parents and or their grand children. Weddings have been pared down or postponed. Work and shopping routines shattered. It looks like there’s a new run on staples like toilet paper again. And friendships have been put on hold. I haven’t seen the inside of a restaurant in a year.

Playing Pickleball is one of my favorite activities and a source of meeting new friends and seeing old ones. It is exercise and movement, but mostly lots of laughs and joy. And I have not played since last April. And yes, it sucks. What have you been missing this year?

We all seem to be “Zoomed” out. When things first shut down many of us planned zoom get-togethers with family and friends in new ways. Game nights and dinners. And now it just seems like too much work.

One thing I know is that it’s important to recognize and accept all of the emotions we feel about what we seem to have lost this year. I have had a hard time naming specifics, but I have on and off felt this mingled sense of loss, frustration, anger, and a wondering if it will ever end.

At the same time I have had moments of true joy and wonder watching my new twin grand babies go from newborn through their first year, sometimes from afar and sometimes in person. I have had conversations with my kids and others that feel deeper and more meaningful. We all seem to be reevaluating what is truly important.

I know as a Happy For No Reason trainer and coach that one of the first things I talk about is the myth of happiness. We think that when we get the bigger house, raise, title, or the perfect spouse, then we will be happy. When we lose 20 pounds we will be happy. And the truth is that all those things are just 10% of our happiness. And when we constantly have the bar set “out there” someplace, we never reach it.

True happiness is an inside job. It is appreciating what we have. It is found in meaningful and deep relationships. It is in connecting and sharing ourselves with others.  It is in recognizing the good in others and letting them know. It is in sharing laughs and joy with friends and family. And if we get a little creative we can maintain those things and even expand our ways of connecting.

It’s not easy, but it is crucial. It is also important to give grace to others. And it is even more important to be easy with ourselves. 2020 has been full of stress and change. Spend a little time looking for some of the good that has come from it.

What have you learned about yourself and others? What can you find to be grateful for? How can you reframe things to launch into a fabulous 2021? What can you pat yourself on the back for? Are there people in your life that you can acknowledge for how they have handled this year?

My goal for wrapping up 2020 is to be more loving and open. I want to live with a more open heart. And in just a few weeks we can all legitimately say “hindsight is 2020”, and kiss this year goodbye in the most loving of ways.